Wednesday, June 20, 2018

My Experience Working for The First Time

I am currently working as an English teacher in a not-so-famous private institution in Jambi city. I teach students from various levels of school; from Elementary to Senior High School. This is not actually my first time working, but it is my first initial experience working for 'money'. 

I was an English teacher too back in 2014, but it was just a volunteerism. I worked in order to get a cost reduction for my TOEFL courses fee. Luckily, my TOEFL-aspiring teacher agreed and let me to work in his institution for 4 consecutive months. I, then, decided to stop due to a tremendously hectic schedule in school.

Two months before my graduation I got accepted in my current workplace and signed a contract to work for 6 months. As this was my first time actually working for money, I read the contract in a slight, careless glance without paying close attention to the pros and cons of this contract may actually bring. My first thought was that: "Does not matter if the salary is low, as long as you get the experience". I thought everything is going to be okay, until I finally start my weeks of working in a constant depression and anxiety. 

I do love my job as a teacher. I love teaching. In fact, meeting my students and have an unnecessary chit-chat with them during class has become a happy potion in curing my current sadness. I start to love children, knowing I used to hate them before. Despite those happy experiences, can you guess what thing that actually bugs in my mind?

The salary.

Yes, the thing that I thought was the least thing I would want to consider in looking for a job! The reality is... I was wrong. Salary is one of the most important consideration if you want to be able to work happily and effectively. The low salary is one of the thing that puts me under pressure. My salary is not an equal balance between the amount of money I spent for transportation, foods, my energy, let alone my knowledge. My salary per month is only Rp 300.000+ (around $23/month). I thought that amount was okay, I thought experience was more important. But why would you want to choose to get only one of them, if you could have both? In addition to my unsupportive boss, handling the gruesome children who ignore my rules have been putting me in constant stress and sadness. 

I do not feel any regret in choosing this job, I just feel a little... unsatisfied. I know my potential, I know I could do more, and I believe I can have more and something better in the future. I just have to be patient enough to get through this.

Despite the current downside and understatement of my surrounding toward the earnings of my job, I try to see this experience in a rather positive perspective. By being paid in such a low salary, I learn to spend my money wisely. I learn to appreciate the value of money. That every rupiah of it is very valuable and requires a lot of work and energy. I learn to be grateful with my job, and give my very best effort and potential in accomplishing any kinds of challenge every day. I learn to work/teach with my heart, giving my students the very best knowledge I have been learning for years. I learn to hide my sadness and dissapointment in front of my students and work professionally. Those positivities have finally brought me a festive appreciation: I was selected as the Best Teacher! The selection was scored based on the quality of my teaching and the achievements of my students in the class. The majority of teachers in the institution are English Education graduates, and I was so happy I could be more. The gift was not that important to me, but the appreciations from my students, my boss and the teachers in the institution was something that I regard as 'priceless'. This achievement could be my stepping stone in reaching something better in the future.

Even though I was paid low, got laughed at by my family, this experience has taught me so many important and valuable lessons: 1. To be patient, 2. To always do my best, 3. To be grateful, and 4. To work professionally and wholeheartedly. The lesson I might not be able to learn if I worked in such a big, famous company/institution that offers high salary. The skills and attitude I gain from this experience can help me tackling future challenges that might get harder and harder as I am going further in my career. 

Friday, June 1, 2018

Out of Sight, Out of Time

When the guy has gone too far away, 
The girl has just realized she falls in love with him.

Day in, day out, 
Wherever she goes, every stranger she encountered oftentimes looked like him. 
She thought it was him. 
She looked closer. 
It was somebody else.

She liked to deny. 
She convinced herself she is not in love with the guy. 

And when the feeling has been left somewhere else at some point.
She wants to go back and pick it up.
But it has gone.
Where is it?

No matter how long he will be gone and forgotten. 
She will never forget his name. 

Thursday, December 21, 2017

Life's Lesson

I think experiences are not the only great teacher in life.
I think life itself is also one of the best teacher.
At least, for me.

Lots of things happen in life. Just like a wheel, some days we’re on the upside, some other days we’re on the downside. Nevertheless, if we’re truly contemplating everything that happens in our life, I mean, if we’re really looking at it in a positive perspective, there are so many things that life has made us learn.

In my case, I often told you in most of my previous blog posts that the kind of life that I undergone followed some pattern such as ‘whenever I’m feeling happy, next the sadness will come by approaching me’. I believe that lots of people also had the same pattern like me, because that’s what life on earth should be. We’re ain’t living in a heaven so there’s no such thing as being happy and prosper forever. Everything takes time, tears, and effort.

That time, I was afraid to feel extremely happy because it was as if God was giving me an alarm that I’m going to cry a lot. As if I’m already had this kind of intuition that after happiness came by something sad/bad is going to happen to my life. Though those feelings were proven to be right. Because ‘life is like a wheel.’

Now, the more I grew up without my mother besides me, the more I realize that my life has taught me so many things (what God wants me to learn). Maybe my mother is no longer here to tell things like ‘if you’re doing this, you’re going to get this, or that’, but my life itself teaches me all the consequences of my actions and decisions.

“You’ll reap what you sow”, an old proverb saying.

I’m grateful that happiness comes to my life so that I will not forget to help other people who are currently on the downside of their life. When I’m happy and prosper, that means life wants to teach me to be more grateful, and not to forget other people who are facing difficult moments of their life. To share parts of my happiness by easing their burdens. Because life has taught me what it feels like to be in their position.

I’m also grateful (now) that sadness/hardships comes to my life so that I can improve my submission to God and it also gives me a chance to do lots of good deeds. By facing difficulties also teach me to be more patient and stronger. I don’t know why, but I think the hardships that happens in my life contributes more in shaping my personality to be a better person, than my happiness. When life provides me with difficult situations, I learn not to give up, I learn lots of skills and know what it means to have a family and a real friend who always stand by my side. I learn how it feels like to be hungry, how it feels like to be tired and less time to have fun. I also learn to prioritize my family and other people that need my help over my own ego or priority.

In fact, I learn so many things.

I’m grateful for everything that happens in my life. For everything that God give to my life.
If He wants to give me something bigger/beyond my expectations, I firstly have to face some trials and very difficult moments to deserve the ‘gift’ He wants me to have.
Then when that ‘gift’ finally come, He wants me to share it to other people.
Because when difficult times make life looks unfair, then kindness is what makes this life turns out to be beautiful.

Friday, June 30, 2017

Concocting Story of the Day

I’m currently in progress of doing my research to finish my Undergraduate Program. I have like 2 weeks of holiday so they are like a panacea for me to get out of my hectic life. Wary lab schedule and my perturbing love life almost shift my focus from chasing the old dream to get into grad school to having a lifelong boyfriend willed to be a groom.

Enigmatic. But you couldn’t help hearing those lovey-dovey stuffs your friends was bragging about with their lovers. So I choose to dissappear for a while and concentrate on what I actually want to achieve. But it's not like I shun from the world. Nope.

Losing mom also had turn me intuitively into a precocious girl. Where I have to bear greater responsibility for my family. It’s arduous and tiring. I perceive that I’m no longer have more time to study and read in my bunk room, let alone wasting time with a guy. I need to think stuffs like: what we’re going to eat the next day; is there enough food stock in the fridge?; I need to get up earlier and prepare breakfast for my family; my father and brother didn’t like the food I cooked today so I better think about something else to eat for tomorrow, and etc. It’s frustrating. I have to be the one who thinks about all the stuffs and small details in my house while my father only gives the money. I’m not exaggerating but house chores (if you handle it alone) can hazardously outstrip your energy and fats beyond what you can bear. My clothes size has unexpectedly changes from M to S!
Then my neighbour intuitively sneer, “Being a woman is tiring, Indah.”

This is what my mother has been through. And if God wants me to do it, then He knows that I can.
So I’m like moving silently and sporadically trying to utilize any few minutes I have as effective as I can to study and prepare for grad school. Noo, not only grad school, but also research, thesis and my research project I am competing in with my cohort. All things need to be done at the same time! And yes!! This is what it feels like to be a housewife (not officially) as well as a college student!!!

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Drawn by The Thoughts

The sound of clock is tickling. It's weird that I can hear it. Bearing the silence every day, I hate every moment I was alone in my bedroom. In my house.
Well, sometimes I prefer being locked in my bedroom, napping or reading something.
And now when I can do all of those things, because no one is going to scolding me around--like my mom used to, I don't know what I want to do.

House is so empty now.
Yes, I still have father and brother. But you know when you realized that one of the members in your group is gone, you feel lost. Especially if that one is a mom; the heart of this house.
No one can be more caring about you than a mom.
No one can give you full attention and affection, just like a mom does.
No one can really be your friend, except your mom.
And I lose all of it.
I lose my mom, my friend, my keeper, and my life-teacher. The one who loves me more than all the people in this world.

If you think a father can replace those roles better than your mom, believe me, you are totally wrong. You would never know it until you experience it yourself.
I remember when some of my friends say that, they're closer to their father than their mom because they think their father is more understanding than their mom.
Geez... they are just too ignored.
Your father's love is just like 1/8 of your mother's love.

Sometimes I was thinking, when the death of my mother came after I studied in the USA...
Was it... God taking my mother in exchange for my dreams?
Like I was given once in a lifetime opportunity, like no one ever had. But at the same time, my most precious thing had to be taken? Like no one ever wanted.

Life is never fair. It's never perfect.
At once you are happy, but in another time you will feel sad.
As if, sadness comes after happiness. And happiness comes after sadness.
Everytime I feel like I was the happiest person in the world, the next time grief will start filling my days.
And just when I feel like I was the unluckiest person in the world, happiness will cast a smile in my face again.

I don't know why I write this.
I was thinking of my mom, and it's still so painful to me to accept the fact that she's already gone.
Whenever I got awards, won competitions, or got compliments, those moments will never be as exciting as when my mom is still here with me.

Appreciate your mother. Love her.
Because some people don't have the small little thing that you always ignore.
A mother.